I can't believe the author of one of my favorite books, Gorgeous for God, posted on my blog! Thank you Lisa Natoli. I look forward to reading your blog every day - it keeps me inspired! For daily lessons from the Course of Miracles, check out,
http://www.gorgeousforgod.wordpress.com
I am grateful!
Yesterday I shared my most heartfelt lesson on faith. I'd love to hear your stories too. Be blessed!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Counting my blessings
I once saw an episode on Oprah where she mentioned that if you wake up every day and list at least 3 things you're grateful for, your life will change forever. I tried it out and within days my perception changed on everything. I was filled with warmth whenever I said thanks for the day. I started off by giving thanks for my family and the people in my life, then started noticing and giving thanks for even the littlest things I took for granted. Like the water I used to wash my dishes and the beautiful landscape I drove through every day while driving to work. The littlest of things brought me tears of happiness and gratefulness. I've kept this daily practice of gratefulness to this day. It's another way to keep me focused on blessings that I have instead of focusing on wants I don't have. Included in my thanks this morning is my husband's safety and the 43 days he has completed on deployment. He has 320 days left before he comes back home and every passing day is a day closer to coming home. I don't know the reasons for why things are but I believe it's all in Divine planning and timing. With that, I thought I'd share my most heartfelt lesson of having faith in all things seen and unseen. Be blessed!
Miracles Uncovered
I slowly walked to my car, numbed from the news the doctors just gave me. I kept asking myself, "Oh my God, what am I going to do?", and "how am I going to handle this?" I was most worried about telling my parents. Stories I've heard while growing up kept running through my mind. They were stories of my parents' hardships while they grew up in their country. It was their dream to come to America to someday have a family and raise their children to have a better life than they ever did. Then, there I was trying to figure out how to tell my hard-working parents that their 18 year old daughter was pregnant. Ashamed and scared, I waited and worried...and I waited and worried about how I was going to tell my parents. Two months after my visit to the doctor, I finally had enough courage to break the news to them. Let me put it this way...it went as expected. I remember the look on my father's face, he was so shocked, mad and disappointed. I wanted to tell him first becuase he had a much calmer demeanor than my mother. I can still remember hearing my mother's footsteps as she walked up the stairs to the living room where I was talking with my father. As my mother walked into the room my father said, "you tell your mother!"
"Tell me what?!" my mother asked with her eyes widening from the anticipation that something was very wrong.
"Your daughter's pregnant," my father stearnly responded.
Words were all a blur after that, but I do remember my mother was crying, rolling on the living room floor, so sad and hurt from the news she just heard. My heart sank so deeply, I disappointed my parents. Months before I had just graduated from high school, and my parents had a huge debutant celebration for me and my sister. Instead of fulfilling their dreams of graduating from college, I was pregnant and unwed with ambitious plans. I was going to marry my boyfriend, he would join the military, and we were going to live happily ever after.
The night before my wedding, my father sat me down and said to me, "you can still back down from getting married if you want. Marriage is not easy, it's something you really have to work hard at. It will be easier to raise the baby because we can help you. Don't worry about all the money already spent on the wedding, that's just money. We just want what's best for you."
"I want to do the right thing Dad," I said.
"Okay, but it's not too late," he said with great care.
You always see crying at weddings, typically a sign for tears of joy. At my wedding, it was the exact opposite. There was a lot of crying alright, but they were tears of sadness. To my parents, I was separating from them at such a young age. To me, my life was going to change forever. Could I really see myself with my husband f-o-r-e-v-e-r? But I truly felt, I was doing the right thing.
Soon after my son was born, the military moved us clear across the country to Tampa, Florida. Shortly after the move, it happened once more. Yes, I was pregnant again! The shock of the news wasn't as devestating for my parents the second time, but I sensed they were disappointed again. I was disappointed too, another baby, money was tight, and I had nothing but my husband to fall back on. Shortly after my youngest son was born, things started to really change. My happily ever after was not a happy one. My husband, an only child began to act like a spoiled sheltered kid who finally broke free from his parents strict rule. He began to go out with his friends on the weekends, sometimes not coming home, he became very controlling and was acting really weird. To top it off, I was so homesick, I missed my sister and my parents badly. I prayed for things to get better. I prayed and prayed but nothing changed. It seemed like the more I prayed the worse things got. I knew I took the vows of...for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part, but things were getting ridiculous. When was worse going to get better? When was poorer going to get richer? I was healthy, he was sick. I loved and cherished, he didn't do crap! Two years later I had enough! I was angry! I did everything right, but why wasn't God listening to me?
I called my parents, "mom, dad, I want to come home!" Psyche, it was not that easy. I called my parents to tell them I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to come home. In response I heard, "remember, you were the one who wanted to get married, and now you don't want to be married anymore?" Separated from my husband, I went back home with the kids. I got the support from my parents, grandparents and my sister to allow me to go back to school so I could find a decent job. A year passed when my husband had orders to transfer back to California, close to home. We reconciled and moved to his new military base just an hour and a half from my family. Another year passed and my husband's military contract was done. We moved back to my parents house temporarily. That was, temporarily for my husband, the kids and I stayed. My husband started acting weird again! This time I wasn't going to stand for it. My newfound motto was, "screw me once, shame on you - screw me twice, shame on me." He was out of there and divorce was in the works.
I was able to go to school full-time and work full-time, but I remained bitter for a handful of years after my divorce. I had to fight to get the child support my children were entitled to. It came in spurts. My son had asthma. Every time I got a raise, day care charges increased. My bills were mountainous. I was always depressed. Then one day something struck me like a lightning bolt. I was in my room crying again, when my sister walked in mad at the sight of me sad, again.
"What's wrong this time?!" she asked.
"Look at this bill, I can't afford it, it's my whole paycheck. I feel like I hit rock bottom. I'm never going to get out of this mess," I cried.
"Did you hit rock bottom?!" she asked sarcastically.
"Yes!" I yelled.
"You sure? Are you at the bottom, bottom?" she asked, just to be sure.
"Yes, I told you," I cried again.
"Good! Then from here on out, you can't go anywhere else but up. From here on out, you cannot go any further down than where you are right now, so the only place you can go now is up!"
My sister and her husband helped me with my bill under the condition that I stop feeling sorry for myself. After years of anger, resentment and bitterness, my sisters words were just what I needed to kick myself back to awareness. It happened at the most perfect Divine timing, the exact moment when Divine knew I would finally listen. Thank God for my sister for sticking by me, and helping me when I needed it most. Days after my rude awakening, my sister told me about a book she was reading, she wanted me to read it as well, "Return to Love" by Mariam Williamson. The book came when I was most ready and open for a Divine change in my life. My life was changed forever.
I began to see my many blessings. I focused gratitude on the things I had, and stopped focusing on the things I didn't have. Five years after the final separation from my husband, I graduated with two degrees, an Associate Degree in Business Administration, and a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Sociology. It was tough but we did it. Yes, we did. I didn't do any of this on my own. I'm forever grateful for my grandparents who helped watch my children, and really watched out for me. I'm forever grateful for my sister, my angel on earth, and brother-in-law who helped care for my children and helped me financially when I really needed it. I'm forever grateful for my parents who loved me enough to let me learn the lessons I needed to learn on my own, and for providing a loving home for me and my children. I'm even grateful for my ex-husband for being the jerk that he was, because if it wasn't for him I would've still been a submissive, passive woman with no mind of her own. I'm grateful for my closest friends who encouraged and inspired me in ways they may not be aware of. I'm grateful to be married to the man of my dreams, who took care of my children and to this day treats me like a princess. I'm especially grateful for all the unconditional love God has blessed me with through my family, and the wonderous events and people that have crossed my path. Love truly is all that is real.
I'm happier now than I've ever imagined I could be. Don't be mistaken, I still worry, I still cry, I still have times when my faith is tested, but I know now that there's blessings in everything. Miracles come in Divine timing, not on my timing.
Miracles Uncovered
I slowly walked to my car, numbed from the news the doctors just gave me. I kept asking myself, "Oh my God, what am I going to do?", and "how am I going to handle this?" I was most worried about telling my parents. Stories I've heard while growing up kept running through my mind. They were stories of my parents' hardships while they grew up in their country. It was their dream to come to America to someday have a family and raise their children to have a better life than they ever did. Then, there I was trying to figure out how to tell my hard-working parents that their 18 year old daughter was pregnant. Ashamed and scared, I waited and worried...and I waited and worried about how I was going to tell my parents. Two months after my visit to the doctor, I finally had enough courage to break the news to them. Let me put it this way...it went as expected. I remember the look on my father's face, he was so shocked, mad and disappointed. I wanted to tell him first becuase he had a much calmer demeanor than my mother. I can still remember hearing my mother's footsteps as she walked up the stairs to the living room where I was talking with my father. As my mother walked into the room my father said, "you tell your mother!"
"Tell me what?!" my mother asked with her eyes widening from the anticipation that something was very wrong.
"Your daughter's pregnant," my father stearnly responded.
Words were all a blur after that, but I do remember my mother was crying, rolling on the living room floor, so sad and hurt from the news she just heard. My heart sank so deeply, I disappointed my parents. Months before I had just graduated from high school, and my parents had a huge debutant celebration for me and my sister. Instead of fulfilling their dreams of graduating from college, I was pregnant and unwed with ambitious plans. I was going to marry my boyfriend, he would join the military, and we were going to live happily ever after.
The night before my wedding, my father sat me down and said to me, "you can still back down from getting married if you want. Marriage is not easy, it's something you really have to work hard at. It will be easier to raise the baby because we can help you. Don't worry about all the money already spent on the wedding, that's just money. We just want what's best for you."
"I want to do the right thing Dad," I said.
"Okay, but it's not too late," he said with great care.
You always see crying at weddings, typically a sign for tears of joy. At my wedding, it was the exact opposite. There was a lot of crying alright, but they were tears of sadness. To my parents, I was separating from them at such a young age. To me, my life was going to change forever. Could I really see myself with my husband f-o-r-e-v-e-r? But I truly felt, I was doing the right thing.
Soon after my son was born, the military moved us clear across the country to Tampa, Florida. Shortly after the move, it happened once more. Yes, I was pregnant again! The shock of the news wasn't as devestating for my parents the second time, but I sensed they were disappointed again. I was disappointed too, another baby, money was tight, and I had nothing but my husband to fall back on. Shortly after my youngest son was born, things started to really change. My happily ever after was not a happy one. My husband, an only child began to act like a spoiled sheltered kid who finally broke free from his parents strict rule. He began to go out with his friends on the weekends, sometimes not coming home, he became very controlling and was acting really weird. To top it off, I was so homesick, I missed my sister and my parents badly. I prayed for things to get better. I prayed and prayed but nothing changed. It seemed like the more I prayed the worse things got. I knew I took the vows of...for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part, but things were getting ridiculous. When was worse going to get better? When was poorer going to get richer? I was healthy, he was sick. I loved and cherished, he didn't do crap! Two years later I had enough! I was angry! I did everything right, but why wasn't God listening to me?
I called my parents, "mom, dad, I want to come home!" Psyche, it was not that easy. I called my parents to tell them I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to come home. In response I heard, "remember, you were the one who wanted to get married, and now you don't want to be married anymore?" Separated from my husband, I went back home with the kids. I got the support from my parents, grandparents and my sister to allow me to go back to school so I could find a decent job. A year passed when my husband had orders to transfer back to California, close to home. We reconciled and moved to his new military base just an hour and a half from my family. Another year passed and my husband's military contract was done. We moved back to my parents house temporarily. That was, temporarily for my husband, the kids and I stayed. My husband started acting weird again! This time I wasn't going to stand for it. My newfound motto was, "screw me once, shame on you - screw me twice, shame on me." He was out of there and divorce was in the works.
I was able to go to school full-time and work full-time, but I remained bitter for a handful of years after my divorce. I had to fight to get the child support my children were entitled to. It came in spurts. My son had asthma. Every time I got a raise, day care charges increased. My bills were mountainous. I was always depressed. Then one day something struck me like a lightning bolt. I was in my room crying again, when my sister walked in mad at the sight of me sad, again.
"What's wrong this time?!" she asked.
"Look at this bill, I can't afford it, it's my whole paycheck. I feel like I hit rock bottom. I'm never going to get out of this mess," I cried.
"Did you hit rock bottom?!" she asked sarcastically.
"Yes!" I yelled.
"You sure? Are you at the bottom, bottom?" she asked, just to be sure.
"Yes, I told you," I cried again.
"Good! Then from here on out, you can't go anywhere else but up. From here on out, you cannot go any further down than where you are right now, so the only place you can go now is up!"
My sister and her husband helped me with my bill under the condition that I stop feeling sorry for myself. After years of anger, resentment and bitterness, my sisters words were just what I needed to kick myself back to awareness. It happened at the most perfect Divine timing, the exact moment when Divine knew I would finally listen. Thank God for my sister for sticking by me, and helping me when I needed it most. Days after my rude awakening, my sister told me about a book she was reading, she wanted me to read it as well, "Return to Love" by Mariam Williamson. The book came when I was most ready and open for a Divine change in my life. My life was changed forever.
I began to see my many blessings. I focused gratitude on the things I had, and stopped focusing on the things I didn't have. Five years after the final separation from my husband, I graduated with two degrees, an Associate Degree in Business Administration, and a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Sociology. It was tough but we did it. Yes, we did. I didn't do any of this on my own. I'm forever grateful for my grandparents who helped watch my children, and really watched out for me. I'm forever grateful for my sister, my angel on earth, and brother-in-law who helped care for my children and helped me financially when I really needed it. I'm forever grateful for my parents who loved me enough to let me learn the lessons I needed to learn on my own, and for providing a loving home for me and my children. I'm even grateful for my ex-husband for being the jerk that he was, because if it wasn't for him I would've still been a submissive, passive woman with no mind of her own. I'm grateful for my closest friends who encouraged and inspired me in ways they may not be aware of. I'm grateful to be married to the man of my dreams, who took care of my children and to this day treats me like a princess. I'm especially grateful for all the unconditional love God has blessed me with through my family, and the wonderous events and people that have crossed my path. Love truly is all that is real.
I'm happier now than I've ever imagined I could be. Don't be mistaken, I still worry, I still cry, I still have times when my faith is tested, but I know now that there's blessings in everything. Miracles come in Divine timing, not on my timing.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The buzz about thrift shopping
About a month ago, I heard a caller on the radio talk about her shopping experience at a thrift store. This caller found 3 Abercrombie & Fitch shirts with their tags still on and paid less than $10 for all 3 shirts. My sister and I were on a mission to find a similar deal and yesterday was the day. It was T-day, thrifty day! I didn't realize there was so much stuff to see...clothes, kitchenware, furniture and books. After 2 hours and 3 thrift stores, my sister had a bag of clothes for less than $20 and one item with its tags still on. I found a $3 t-shirt and bought 2 cookbooks that seemed to have never been read. Original prices, one for $15.95 and the other for $13.99. I paid $2.75 for both books! It was a successful day!
I've been really hooked on watching my caloric and glycemic intake. My husband and I did a cleanse before he left and we vowed to feel better and be healthy. Oddly, the 2 cookbooks I found were just in the lines of what we needed. I've already started briefing him on what I've read. Did you know sodas have a very high glycemic rating? There are ~10 teaspoon of sugar in a 12-ounce can of soda, WOW!
Here are the books I bought:
The Maker's Diet, by Jordan S. Rubin - a book written by a once very unhealthy author who treated himself. He is now a naturopathic doctor and nutritionl consultant. Can't wait to read how he went from sickly to healthy.
The Good Carb Cookbook,by Sandra Wooduff, M.S.,R.D. - a book that finally explains good carbs, bad carbs and the glycemic index in detail. It's also a very easy read. All recipes have been tested and tasted. I made the sourdough bread pudding today; it was easy, yummy and has a low glycemic rating.
I woke up with a text and a call from my husband this morning, and went to bed with a call from him. I'm so grateful to be able to stay in close touch with him. Thanks be to God for another blessed day! So be it, Amen!
I've been really hooked on watching my caloric and glycemic intake. My husband and I did a cleanse before he left and we vowed to feel better and be healthy. Oddly, the 2 cookbooks I found were just in the lines of what we needed. I've already started briefing him on what I've read. Did you know sodas have a very high glycemic rating? There are ~10 teaspoon of sugar in a 12-ounce can of soda, WOW!
Here are the books I bought:
The Maker's Diet, by Jordan S. Rubin - a book written by a once very unhealthy author who treated himself. He is now a naturopathic doctor and nutritionl consultant. Can't wait to read how he went from sickly to healthy.
The Good Carb Cookbook,by Sandra Wooduff, M.S.,R.D. - a book that finally explains good carbs, bad carbs and the glycemic index in detail. It's also a very easy read. All recipes have been tested and tasted. I made the sourdough bread pudding today; it was easy, yummy and has a low glycemic rating.
I woke up with a text and a call from my husband this morning, and went to bed with a call from him. I'm so grateful to be able to stay in close touch with him. Thanks be to God for another blessed day! So be it, Amen!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
What should I doooo? ~Julia Child
I watched Julie & Julia for the second time yesterday and absolutely loved it! It's so inspirational. I too love food and try new recipes here and there but that's not what inspired me about the movie. It was Julie and Julia finding something to do. I often find myself asking the same question Julia asked herself, "what should I doooo?"
My husband has just been called for a one year deployment with the military, so I've been asking myself this question more and more. Hmmmm...what should I do for the next 365 days? I'm grateful for my family and friends who have gone through this with me before. My husband had his first deployment a few years back and I took on the project of remodeling my kitchen. Yup, my dad and I did it ourselves with some help from my brother-in-law. After the kitchen was done I had the floors refinished and had the entire house painted, inside and out. Remodeling was like the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun." The house transformed beautifully and gained new character. We now have a modern Tuscan inspired kitchen and the house feels warm and cozy.
Before
After
I am grateful for my sister, parents and friends who help keep me occupied with family parties, shopping, girls day out, etc. I trust God that my husband stay safe and protected. To God be the glory and so will it be. Be blessed!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Gorgeous for God, by Lisa Natoli, was a book I read about a year ago and I loved it! Have you ever read something you felt was speaking to you? This was one of the books for me. I found and read it at the most perfect moment in my life...it was hard to put down. I, the student was ready to hear what the teacher wanted me to hear. It's a book that was based on the Course in Miracles just like Return to Love. It reaffirmed that we are here for a purpose and that is to love. To keep inspired I subscribed to the Gorgeous for God blog to receive daily lessons. I was awestruck when I read the blog today..."Sickness is a defense against the truth," because it applied to something that I recently went through. Ironically, it was about being in a world of negativity surrounds you with negativity. When you're in that world it's like being in a black hole. Funny how just a little while ago I realized how I was negative and surrounded by negative company. Gratefully, I realized it wasn't the environment I wanted to be in for God has so much more in store for me.
For those of you out there feeling as if you're in the black hole, please check out Gorgeous for God, by Lisa Natoli.
http://gorgeousforgod.com/blog/
Check out the movie Facing the Giants, by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. It too is a movie about releasing and living for God. This is a beautiful song from the movie, Completely, by Ana Laura.
For those of you out there feeling as if you're in the black hole, please check out Gorgeous for God, by Lisa Natoli.
http://gorgeousforgod.com/blog/
Check out the movie Facing the Giants, by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. It too is a movie about releasing and living for God. This is a beautiful song from the movie, Completely, by Ana Laura.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I went for a jog along the Embarcadero yesterday. Jogging and walking outdoors helps me relax. It's a great relief from my usual weekday routine of being glued to my desk and commuting in my car. This week was especially tolling. Work-wise it was my busiest time of the year...it still is. I just have a few more weeks. Personal-wise I had
an awakening experience. A sad experience but a necessary one to help me grow spiritually. Some people have a hard time speaking up and are not confrontational. Some also only chose to see what they want to see. Some see only the negative in everything, as if the glass is always half empty. I had become good friends with someone I cared deeply about. This person "heard" about something I said and took it out of context. Instead of confronting me about the situation, she chose to just cut all ties with me. I was able to get in touch with her and tried to clear things up, but after I got off the phone I felt so much negativity. Whenever we spoke or went out, I thought that if I shared love and light, I could help my friend change her outlook and see blessings instead of despair. She was like a flower waiting to fully bloom but has been too scared to go out of her comfort zone and unable to reach her full potential. There seemed to always be an excuse with her...I want to do this, but I can't because of this. I want to do that, but I can't because of whatever reason. It's especially sad when someone you care about chooses to stay in that negative reality. I didn't realize how much I was getting caught up in her reality until the day I spoke with her and got off the phone. I felt like I was defending myself to show her I was a good person. Then I thought, my gosh...not only was I defending myself, in past conversations I had been defending my husband and my father repeatedly with her. I realized I had been listening to all her fears and her victim mentality and I was starting to feel that way too. My true self believes God loves us all and there is so much to be grateful for. How can you be blessed with more if you aren't grateful for what you've already been blessed with? In our situation, I didn't have any bad intentions, but she had already made up her mind about me. I can only think of two things to do in this situation. One, is to be forgiving. I have made decisions that have gone bad and she perceived them as a personal attack on her. The other is to ask God for a miracle that He bring peace to all of us in the most perfect way for the highest good for all concerned.
I felt hurt and very sad about the whole situation. I prayed and wondered what was the lesson here? I knew the lesson as soon as I got off the phone with her, it just took meditating and praying to see the answer right in front of me. I had to get me back to my true reality. I didn't realize how much I too had been focusing on negativity until then. I had been so consumed about being unhappy at work...feeling incapable and not realizing my capabilities. I was feeling unhappy with my financial situation...to be honest, I had been very worried and scared about it, and I even started feeling self-defeat as if I was a victim, why me? I was even feeling too depressed to get out of bed or the house. I needed to snap out of it. I began praying and thanking God again for everything I had been taking for granted. I started waking up thankful and going to bed thankful. I'm focusing again on what I have and not what I don't have. I've also been visualizing what I want, praying and believing that God is guiding my every thought, word and action. I have faith that nothing is a mistake or accident - it's His plan not mine. I pray that this will all mend in God's perfect plan and timing.
So my jog-walk did me wonders. I took the time to enjoy the now and see the blessings in all things.
The sun was already shining brightly and reflecting off the bay. It was early and the city was already alive and awake. People were walking their dogs, joggers a
nd walkers were pounding the pavement, and market vendors were setting up for customers at the Market at the Ferry Building and the Embarcadero Plaza. I'm so blessed to be living in such a beautiful city. Down the block from my parked car is a security guard. I waved hello to him and he waved back with a smile. Seemed like he was happy I noticed him and took the time to say hello. I passed by the Epic Roast House and smelled the grill already burning. They were getting ready for their weekend brunch. It smelled so smokey good!
I stopped to take a picture of the Bay Bridge. It's a people connector that brings people from all over the bay to and from San Francisco. Then I walked to the Ferry Building and saw all the tourist waiting for their bus tours. So nice to know that our city appeals to so many, e.g., tourism, sports, shopping, etc. I then stopped to take pictures of the ferries. One day I'll take a ferry to Tiburon. I heard there's a great breakfast place there. I walked further and noticed a pier full of people fishing. Birds perched on wooden stumps catch my attention. What a life to be free to fly where ever you want.
I then picked up my pace and focused on getting up to Coit Tower. I loved the smell coming from the gardens...star lillies and roses. So fragrant. It seemed like a long way back to my car but I did it. Got my workout and was able to see blessings right in front of me. I'm starting to understand what living in the now means. I am grateful and so will it be.
an awakening experience. A sad experience but a necessary one to help me grow spiritually. Some people have a hard time speaking up and are not confrontational. Some also only chose to see what they want to see. Some see only the negative in everything, as if the glass is always half empty. I had become good friends with someone I cared deeply about. This person "heard" about something I said and took it out of context. Instead of confronting me about the situation, she chose to just cut all ties with me. I was able to get in touch with her and tried to clear things up, but after I got off the phone I felt so much negativity. Whenever we spoke or went out, I thought that if I shared love and light, I could help my friend change her outlook and see blessings instead of despair. She was like a flower waiting to fully bloom but has been too scared to go out of her comfort zone and unable to reach her full potential. There seemed to always be an excuse with her...I want to do this, but I can't because of this. I want to do that, but I can't because of whatever reason. It's especially sad when someone you care about chooses to stay in that negative reality. I didn't realize how much I was getting caught up in her reality until the day I spoke with her and got off the phone. I felt like I was defending myself to show her I was a good person. Then I thought, my gosh...not only was I defending myself, in past conversations I had been defending my husband and my father repeatedly with her. I realized I had been listening to all her fears and her victim mentality and I was starting to feel that way too. My true self believes God loves us all and there is so much to be grateful for. How can you be blessed with more if you aren't grateful for what you've already been blessed with? In our situation, I didn't have any bad intentions, but she had already made up her mind about me. I can only think of two things to do in this situation. One, is to be forgiving. I have made decisions that have gone bad and she perceived them as a personal attack on her. The other is to ask God for a miracle that He bring peace to all of us in the most perfect way for the highest good for all concerned.
I felt hurt and very sad about the whole situation. I prayed and wondered what was the lesson here? I knew the lesson as soon as I got off the phone with her, it just took meditating and praying to see the answer right in front of me. I had to get me back to my true reality. I didn't realize how much I too had been focusing on negativity until then. I had been so consumed about being unhappy at work...feeling incapable and not realizing my capabilities. I was feeling unhappy with my financial situation...to be honest, I had been very worried and scared about it, and I even started feeling self-defeat as if I was a victim, why me? I was even feeling too depressed to get out of bed or the house. I needed to snap out of it. I began praying and thanking God again for everything I had been taking for granted. I started waking up thankful and going to bed thankful. I'm focusing again on what I have and not what I don't have. I've also been visualizing what I want, praying and believing that God is guiding my every thought, word and action. I have faith that nothing is a mistake or accident - it's His plan not mine. I pray that this will all mend in God's perfect plan and timing.
So my jog-walk did me wonders. I took the time to enjoy the now and see the blessings in all things.
The sun was already shining brightly and reflecting off the bay. It was early and the city was already alive and awake. People were walking their dogs, joggers a
nd walkers were pounding the pavement, and market vendors were setting up for customers at the Market at the Ferry Building and the Embarcadero Plaza. I'm so blessed to be living in such a beautiful city. Down the block from my parked car is a security guard. I waved hello to him and he waved back with a smile. Seemed like he was happy I noticed him and took the time to say hello. I passed by the Epic Roast House and smelled the grill already burning. They were getting ready for their weekend brunch. It smelled so smokey good!
I stopped to take a picture of the Bay Bridge. It's a people connector that brings people from all over the bay to and from San Francisco. Then I walked to the Ferry Building and saw all the tourist waiting for their bus tours. So nice to know that our city appeals to so many, e.g., tourism, sports, shopping, etc. I then stopped to take pictures of the ferries. One day I'll take a ferry to Tiburon. I heard there's a great breakfast place there. I walked further and noticed a pier full of people fishing. Birds perched on wooden stumps catch my attention. What a life to be free to fly where ever you want.
I then picked up my pace and focused on getting up to Coit Tower. I loved the smell coming from the gardens...star lillies and roses. So fragrant. It seemed like a long way back to my car but I did it. Got my workout and was able to see blessings right in front of me. I'm starting to understand what living in the now means. I am grateful and so will it be.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Blossoms
Look at what the rain brought to my backyard...plum tree blossoms! I had intentions of taking pictures of the transformation of the tree, but didn't get a chance to because of the rain. Today the sun came out for most of the day and so did the blossoms. Ahhh, the beauty of nature!
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